Difficult questions
Should you remind them they have dementia?
It is one of the hardest questions in family care, and it comes up when they ask why they cannot remember something.
Short answer
Usually not. Repeating a diagnosis someone cannot retain means they experience the shock of it again each time, with no benefit. Answer the worry underneath instead, honestly and without dwelling on the label.
Why repeating it usually harms
If the diagnosis cannot be held onto, restating it delivers fresh distress each time without producing understanding. Families who have tried it generally describe the same outcome: tears, then forgetting, then the same question an hour later.
The exception is early on, where someone can retain the information and is actively making decisions about their own life. Then honesty matters a great deal.
What to say instead
- "Your memory's been playing up lately — the doctor knows about it and we're keeping an eye on it."
- "You're not going mad, it's just been happening more. It's not your fault."
- "Don't worry, I've written it down for us both."
- Then move to something concrete: a cup of tea, a task, going outside.
The wider principle
Answer the emotion, not the fact. Most distressing questions in dementia are asking for reassurance rather than information, and reassurance can be given truthfully without the clinical detail.
Where to get proper guidance
Alzheimer's Society and Dementia UK both run helplines staffed by people who deal with these conversations daily. If you are struggling with what to say, ringing them is time well spent.