Divide by category, not by hours
Hours are impossible to compare and instantly become competitive. Categories are not. One person owns finances, another owns medical appointments, another owns the practical house jobs.
Whoever lives nearest will still do more of the visible daily work — say so openly, and give them the smallest administrative load in exchange.
Write it down once
- Who is the first call in an emergency, and who is second.
- Who speaks to the GP and the council.
- Who handles money, and how that is recorded so nobody has to trust blindly.
- What the visiting pattern is, in writing, including holidays.
The sibling who does nothing
Sometimes the cause is genuinely their own circumstances, sometimes it is avoidance, and occasionally it is that nobody has ever asked them for a specific thing.
Vague requests for more help get vague answers. 'Can you take the Wednesday call every week' gets a yes or a no, and either is more useful than a grievance.
Shared visibility reduces argument
You Care Reminders lets more than one family member see the reminders and whether they were confirmed. It sounds small, but a shared view stops the endless relaying of information and the suspicion that someone is not being told things.
The wider picture
5.0 million
people in England and Wales provide unpaid care, according to the 2021 Census.