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title: "Sharing care between siblings without falling out"
description: "How to divide caring for a parent fairly between brothers and sisters, handle the sibling who does nothing, and keep everyone informed."
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1.  [Home](/)
2.  [Caring from a distance](/caring-from-a-distance)
3.  Sharing care between siblings 

Family

# Sharing care between siblings

Caring rarely splits evenly. One person usually ends up holding it, and the resentment that follows outlasts almost everything else in a family.

[Begin caring today for free](/signup)[How it works](/features)

## Divide by category, not by hours

Hours are impossible to compare and instantly become competitive. Categories are not. One person owns finances, another owns medical appointments, another owns the practical house jobs.

Whoever lives nearest will still do more of the visible daily work — say so openly, and give them the smallest administrative load in exchange.

## Write it down once

-   Who is the first call in an emergency, and who is second. 
-   Who speaks to the GP and the council. 
-   Who handles money, and how that is recorded so nobody has to trust blindly. 
-   What the visiting pattern is, in writing, including holidays. 

## The sibling who does nothing

Sometimes the cause is genuinely their own circumstances, sometimes it is avoidance, and occasionally it is that nobody has ever asked them for a specific thing.

Vague requests for more help get vague answers. 'Can you take the Wednesday call every week' gets a yes or a no, and either is more useful than a grievance.

## Shared visibility reduces argument

You Care Reminders lets more than one family member see the reminders and whether they were confirmed. It sounds small, but a shared view stops the endless relaying of information and the suspicion that someone is not being told things.

## The wider picture

5.0 million

people in England and Wales provide unpaid care, according to the 2021 Census.

Source: [Office for National Statistics, Census 2021](https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/healthandsocialcare/healthandwellbeing/bulletins/unpaidcareenglandandwales/census2021)

## Being straight with you

You Care Reminders is a non-medical wellness tool, not a monitoring service and not an alarm. Delivery is best effort rather than guaranteed, and it must not be used for medication reminders. If you are worried about someone's health, speak to their GP; in an emergency, call 999.

## Questions carers ask

### How do we handle money fairly?

### Should we have a family meeting?

### What if we disagree about care decisions?

### Can several of us use one account?

## Read next

-   [Caring from a distance](/caring-from-a-distance)
-   [Carer burnout](/carer-burnout-early-signs)
-   [Family care app](/family-care-app)
-   [When a parent refuses help](/parent-refuses-help)

## Set the first reminder tonight

It takes about five minutes, costs nothing to start, and the person you care for has nothing to install.

[Begin caring today for free](/signup)[See plans](/pricing)

You Care Reminders 

Thoughtful reminders that help families stay quietly connected to the people they love.

Wellness support, not medical advice.

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-   [Dementia check-ins](/dementia-check-in-service)
-   [Daily prompts for MCI](/mild-cognitive-impairment-daily-prompts)
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-   [Compared to dementia clocks](/vs-dementia-clocks)
-   [Why smart alarms fail](/why-smart-alarms-fail-older-adults)

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-   [Loneliness call reminders](/loneliness-call-reminders)
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